March 23, 2004 - 10:08 p.m.
My mind is racing and my heart cries out...these are my thoughts...
It's been a hard month. If only we'd known the truth a year ago. We all would be so much less hurt today... I hope and pray for them to open their hearts...it's never too late to right the wrongs. It's never too late to put the bitterness aside for the sake of the ones who matter most.
"The Origins of Open Adoption:
The concept of openness grew out of discontent by all parties involved in adoption: the birthparents, the adoptive parents, and the adoptee-- who protested against traditional adoption's neglect of the importance of the genetic family."
"Formal open adoption is a controversial idea. It raises questions to which there are not yet clear answers. Will adoptive parents feel threatened by the intrusion of the birthparents? When the child is older, will he choose his birthparent over his adoptive parents? Can open adoption really be successful?"
I'm so sorry that they feel threatened by us. We never wanted to make the kids "choose". We just wanted to let them know they are loved by us.
"Those experienced in working with open adoption say that problems are likely to occur when the birthparents and adoptive parents have an ambiguous agreement as to how open the adoption will be. The degree of openness usually depends on the comfort level of both the birthparents and adoptive parents. Some adoptive parents have no problem with a birthparent who coparents."
"Open adoption is not just for newborns. Families who adopt older children are provided with information about the birth family that they might not receive in a traditional, confidential adoption. Because an older child lived with his birth family members for a time, he has memories of them. Those memories are a part of him, and the adoptive family has to understand this. "You inadvertently become participants," says Christine Jacobs, exchange supervisor at the National Adoption Center in Philadelphia and an adoptive mother of two sons, one of whom joined her family at age 5. "The history is there. The child's life did not start when he moved in with you, and he can't be expected to forget everything that happened to him earlier in his life."
"Because of this, families who adopt older children decide that it is in the best interests of the child to maintain contact with those individuals who are significant in his life, such as birthparents, siblings, grandparents, or foster parents. "You become almost distant relatives," says Jacobs. "Even if you don't keep in touch regularly, you are still a part of each other's lives."
We are willing and open to forgivness. We can put aside the hate and hurt. Please Lord, I pray that they hear the genuine love in our hearts and gain the loving spirit that will heal the rift between our familes. Our family...their family...forever linked through the little ones.
Those were my thoughts...
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